Growing Up with Divorced Parents             

Nearly half of the marriages in the African-American community end in divorce.

It is very disappointing that getting married is almost like flipping a coin. Divorce causes so many young people to grow up without a true family unit. This fosters the development of unruly behavior and attitudes among children. If it is not corrected within them, they will grow up to become unruly adults who don’t know how to act.

This inevitably repeats the cycle.

Unfortunately for me, I have grown up with divorced parents. However, it wasn’t always that way. In the beginning, everything seemed normal, but little did I know there were growing tensions between my parents.

What I thought was normal, actually wasn’t. My father always worked extra hours at work for seemingly no reason, as if he was addicted to being the “best” at his job. He left home early in the morning, and returned around 8 p.m. While that may not seem late, it is way later than most people get off work, and it’s past bedtime for any 3-5 year old.

After we had moved from Florida to The D.C. area, this trend continued. Oftentimes my parents would argue for petty reasons like drinking up too much juice, or other reasons that were none of my business. It was common that my sister and I get sent to our rooms during these moments.

We eventually became numb to being stuck between the conflict. Through it all, my mother taught us that this wasn’t normal. She didn’t want us to repeat it.

Eventually my father decided to leave the house. A couple years later, he filed for divorce. When my parents separated, I assumed that they would figure it out and we would become a “normal” family again. However, when he left, a paper trail indicated that he had no intentions of returning. This is not because he despised us in any way, but because he had plans to do what he wanted, and my mother was not having it.

In a sense, my father had the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum. To this day, my parents go back and forth about dumb topics, like the amount of child support my father pays my mother. Nine times out of 10 it’s my father initiating the petty fights. For instance, if he’s obligated to pay $75, he may send $50  just to spite my mother knowing that there is no time to go to court for an amount as paltry as $25.

What I never understood was why my father continued to do actions like this when this affects me and my sister more than it does my mother. All I can think is that he is assuming and taking for granted that my mother will fix everything for me and my sister so that we’re okay.  I know that he still loves us dearly, but deep down beyond all the petty stuff I would guess that maybe he feels he messed up too far, and just trusts my mother to take care of everything like she always has because he can’t or doesn’t truly know how.

Even when my father was in the house, he wasn’t truly there; he was at work. This probably has to do with childhood traumas considering that his mother didn’t do right when he was young.

I love both my parents dearly, although it is irritating that my father is quick to blame everything on my mother, and vice versa, every time an unsettling situation occurs. Honestly, the whole divorce is dumb. I truly feel this way because it could have easily been avoided if said “people” had actually “tried” to avoid it.

Ultimately, what happened has happened, and I still have a life to live. I didn’t get to choose my parents, but if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be here.

I believe I’m here for a reason, so that means I was born in the right family. I’m thankful that I’m not a young person who goes to a random high school and deals with the drama, like daily fights, drug use, and students not learning nearly as much as I have.

My divorced parents have steered me in the right direction. I give credit to my mother for that filled in the gaps when neither of my parents had eyes on me. didn’t have eyes on me, and could not. At this stage of the game, as I approach adulthood, I am able to do that for myself.